With the marriage season coming up, some of us are blessed to tie the knot with that perfect guy. Others of us, however, will spend another several months screening and rejecting a vast plethora of gentlemen. For all my sisters who have been or are going through the process, here is a summary of the more interesting samples of the male specimen we encounter:
Napoleon
We have all heard about Napoleon. Well, he died, but his spirit lives on amongst millions of men. It's used by men who try to overcompensate for a lack of something else – weight, looks, money, even hair! You can spot one by the way he swaggers across the room or, worse, by the cloud of cologne around him to compensate for clean armpits.
Mr. America/UK/Any Other Developed Country that Provides IMF Loans to Yours
You know you've met one when his every sentence begins with "You know, in America...", "In the UK...", "My apartment in Canada..." If his redundant sentence structure has still not turned you off yet, introduce him to "Indian style" toilets, and let's see if he is adaptable to change.
Green Card
There is nothing wrong with marrying someone you like and trust, and if she has a Green card, it's a plus. But come on! It gets a little lame when instead of asking for your A.S.L. (remember the good ole days?), he wants to know everything about your Green card. He had no interest in your life before the "G"; in fact, he'd rather tie the knot with the G if he could.
The Rebound Guy
His engagement just broke, and he's depressed. His family thinks another girl would be just the remedy. (Go figure!) Two things can happen in this situation:
a. You talk and you figure out he's sad and needs someone to listen to him. At least we have our girl friends to talk to, but guys are pretty uptight about stuff like this. Maybe after a few free therapy sessions, he actually appreciates your thoughtfulness and things work out.
b. He starts comparing everything between the skies and the earth between his ex and you. In this situation...runnnn, baby, run! Remember that Friends episode when Ross made a list and started comparing Rachel with his ex? Exactly!
Mr. Angelina Jolie
Ya Allah! This fool is worse than Napoleon and needs a reality check. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl have wonderful online conversations filled with smiley faces and loads of winks and nudges. Pictures are exchanged and BAM! Suddenly boy's online status is always Away on messenger. What did he expect, Jolie? She looks better with Pitt.
Haram Police
Religion is the #1 factor for many of us when we are looking for the right person, i.e. someone that works with you towards becoming that better person. But it kinda starts getting irritating when he thinks he's got unilateral access to God's 411 line. Seriously! God did not put us on Earth to punish us, and He created everything for us to enjoy in a Halal manner. So what's up with the Haram label on everything?
Cultural Ambassador to the World
Culture is good. We all are 100 percent for culture – in MODERATION! This guy should become friends with Mr. Religiosity, and maybe they can rub off on each other. His bio-data indicates is a REM Muslim –you will only see him during Ramadan, Eid, and Muharram. Oh, and when there is free Biryani at mosque. His Facebook is filled with pictures from "Desi Night" and "Dabka Weekend".
The Bachelor
Why even try with this fool? He is a confirmed bachelor who is only talking to you to pass time, or he got pressured to do so by his family. You might think you are "The One" to change him, but honey, do you even want to go through the hassle of heartache and indigestion? The butterflies that you get in your tummy whenever you chat with him is just a way of your stomach telling you it's hungry, and a few samosas with some mango lassi should resolve that.
God's Gift to You
This guy should be forced to sit with the matchmaking aunties. In fact, scratch that...I think he would rather enjoy their company! He staunchly believes that since you are still single, there has to be a "defect" in you and that his proposal which is sent via one of his matchmaking aunty buddies is something that you should do a two Rak'at Namaz of Shukr for. Puhleease!
![Sayed Ali Khamenei reciting the Martyrdom of Imam Ali (as) [ENG SUBS]](http://i3.ytimg.com/vi/nSFVAMjmFgY/default.jpg "Ayatollah Sayed Ali Khamenei reciting the Martyrdom of Imam Ali (as) [ENG SUBS]")
Comments
Ok let's not generalise now shall we? Tell me this brother, would you like your sister to "put herself out there" infront of random guys who propose to her? That means your sister would have "put herself out there" infront of guys...and going by the average number of proposals a Muslim girl gets before she says "YES"...well you can do that math. It's not a cattle show!
Secondly, most girls are NOT found "gushing" with non-Muslim guys, but yes there are those few who do. Perhaps they are able to freely communicate and interact with those guys because um...they won't turn around with a box of gelebis and ask "Ohh Sister, will you marry me?!!" (even though you guys sooo don't match).
If someone is going to write this way, at least have the courage to stand by it and put your name by it. I suspect they wouldn't for it might hurt their marriage prospects.
Very funny piece! Can we have a Sisters version?
With all due respect, it seems to me that the bigger picture is that our community is in a state of crisis. This is why conventions like the UMMA convention are mostly networking events because people are beginning to realize that the old methods of getting people married just aren't working anymore and no one really knows how to move forward. It seems to me that you can be very lighthearted about this because you are probably still pretty young and idealistic (let me guess, early 20s?), have a regular supply of rishtas coming in and haven't really witnessed all the casualties that accumulate as time passes.
To me these categories that you described encourage a type of judgmentalism rather than empathy. Let's face it, there are a lot of assumptions made by each gender about the other, that often stand in the way of mutual understanding. You might say, well we are awaiting the sister's version, but you are missing the point. I'm not after equality in misunderstandin g, it's about providing a forum for bro's and sis's to share and understand each other so that we can support each other in the struggles we each face.
and offence if you took any. Did you always have many rishtas coming in? You seem awfully worried about the lives of the forum contributors rather than looking at the wider issue at hand. Although as my comments revealed, my intention was to promote a jovial atmosphere through this tense discussion at times between genders. However, with your comments, it appears that your posts make it unlikely we will ever get to know what sisters think. and feel. This forum could have perhaps revealed the thoughts behind why the issue of marriage is such a contentious one in our community. as you clearly can read from my posts. They do not "encourage a type of judgementalism rather than empathy", and neither do my views reflect any state of my maturity which worryingly you presumptuously judged "as being immature and idealistic, and having a regular supply of rishtas coming in". What rubbish! Frankly speaking, you should look at your rishtas coming in before concerning yourself with the state of affairs of other individuals. Perhaps you needto lighten up a little indeed, and really start seeing the issue from a different perspective. Besides, this discussion involves brothers and sisters and from what I can tell (you seem mature and full of life experiences which I deeply respect). But you need to really start being careful before you jump to conclusions, judge others, or even pass any statments which may encourage misunderstandin gs. Whilst your viewpoint and life experiences are respected dear brother, you are cautioned on passing judgements yourself. This is a public forum, where we are allowed to air our views within respectful limits. Your comments appear to reflect inflammatory sentiments, and it is only a matter of time before thoughts like those you have aired regarding someone/ person can lead to "judgementalism" and escalate the issue out of proportion. As I revealed in my previous posts, Sister JB has clearly revealed she is open to the manner of our dialogue and did not take any offence(from what she posted on this forum) to what some of the other brothers or I stated. If you don't like what you are reading, you're welcome to post your views elsewhere. Don't impose your views on others especially within this public domain, as the entire article is based on a serious nature yet satirical delivery medum, as you have seen in the article itself. With all due respect, you seem to be portraying a lack of understanding of the atmosphere. Whilst I dutifully respect the nature of the issue in marriages within our community, I understand what you're saying and know of people in the same situation. Do you always question others on how many rishtas they get? Perhaps it is high time you paid more attention to what the topic is rather than spreading inflammatory sentiments which can perhaps spoil the entire discussion. Perhaps you may see and learn some of the issues which appear to be clouding this problem of marriages in our community from what you believe "younger immature" people have to say to each other.
Nobody meaning girl or boy should have to meet the other unless and untill the family meaning parents or friends have thoroughly literally investigated the other family and the girl or the boy.
Do understand that humility will work not pride.
You need to understand that by being practicle and not feeling offended if an interested family wants to know about you , you are also at liberty to find out about who you may be interested in.contacting someone personally is definately not the first but the last step.
Therefore make sure you know as much as possible before you meet someone , this way you might even save a trip.
Last but not the least please understand that we as muslim youth are willing to go through all the trouble to please no one but Allah. So ask Him to help. Pray 2 rakat talab Ul khair meaning asking for good from Allah , every day ,from the time you realize you want an exceptional life partner who would help you make a better muslm.
When you do get to meet someone ask the right questions:like what is your idea of a perfect spouse , or what are you looking for in your spouse , what is the ultimate goal in your life, how would u like your spouse to treat you and how will you treat your spouse , whether the person does taqleed or not will help you know about how serious they are about religion , the kind of movies they watch or books they read, whether they like to party or drink , what role does education , justice and equality have in their life , what does liberty mean to them etc etc
Once again trust in your creator and Duas. Make a sensible decision and never regret it !
I hope this helps. May we all find the best spouse who is a joy to live with and a pain to leave
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