Americans are vexed and are asking "Why are Muslim women so oppressed?" and "Why are they forced into arranged marriages?" Questions like this are normal expressions online, in the news, and even in conversations in the checkout line. As Muslims, we understand that Americans are being fed over-generalized stereotypes and misinterpretations in the media, culture, and society. We have to ask ourselves whether we are doing our part to dispel these myths and downright vilifications.

As a researcher in sociology, I have undertaken a study to disprove these negative messages. Through numerous interviews with Iranian couples in the California's Bay Area, I have found patterns in these Muslim marriages that portray positive significance in the areas of religiosity, marriage, and family. Many are unaware that Iran is the 18th largest country in the world and that it has a divorce rate of 12.5 percent in 2009 [1], which is over three times lower than America's. You are probably asking yourselves, what are Muslims doing right?

My research has found that every interviewed Iranian couple, whether practicing Muslims or not, highly value marriage and family, and discourage divorce. The couples were all born in Iran and at minimum finished high school education in Iran. The couples have expressed three important points that are strong indicators of whether or not they would decide to get married. First, it was important that they knew the opinions of their family members. Second, they required their parent's blessings and mitigation in the marriage process. Third, the religiously inclined couples would not continue the marriage process unless Allah blessed their marriage through an Istikhaara – to ask for goodness from Allah by way of guidance from the Holy Qur'an. Hanieh, a mother of four, states "my husband and I met in a Qur'an class; a mutual friend asked me if I would be interested in meeting him for the purpose of marriage but I wanted permission from my mother and father first. My father was in Iran, so my mother agreed instead and he came over to our house with his family members and we got to talk to each other. That was the first time we spoke."

Hanieh was one of the many women interviewed, and some of them met their husbands outside of their family or were recommended by family members. Ultimately, the couples had the last decision on whether or not they would continue in getting married. The misinterpreted message here is the recommendation that comes from family members; it is defined in contemporary understanding as an "arranged" marriage. Ultimately this study tries to show that over-generalized stereotypes like this can be very misleading in trying to understand what really goes on in a modern Muslim marriage. The husbands interviewed gave insight into women's rights and gender equality after being asked, "What is stipulated in your marriage contract?"

Mahmoud, a father of two, expressed that his wife had stipulated the right to divorce, work, and complete her education in their marriage contract. Although Mahmoud stated that he would never disprove of such things, the contract gave his wife rights and ultimately legal power if a dispute would ever occur.

Not only are Muslims choosing their own spouses, but laws such as this are also set up to protect their rights, particularly in religious country such as Iran. Farhad, a father of three, voiced wittingly: "I consult my wife in everything that we do; if I go to the grocery store I will ask for her permission to buy an item that is over ten dollars. She always has the final decision. My wife is actually the manager in our company business." We can see here that Mahmoud and Farhad agree that their wives have a respectable position in their private and public lives.

The experiences of these regular Muslim couples have all portrayed positive imagery and messages about their marriage experience; most importantly, the respect for the position of women in their family. As we progress in education, media, and technology, it is incumbent upon Muslims to use their means in dispelling negative messages about our religion and the lives of our brothers and sisters. My research is ongoing and has been presented at a UC Berkeley Symposium in 2010 and will be presented in more conferences around the nation in 2011. It is my goal to use the socially accepted means of academic research in order to educate Muslims and Non-Muslims alike.

If you have any questions or comments or would like further information about this research, please contact the author at DijanaSirovica@gmail.com.

[1] Women's Information and Statistics Center. (2009). Number of registered marriages and divorces (1966-2008). Retrieved from http://www.iranwomen.org/zanan/english/charts/summary/pop/p5.htm