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Conquering Condolences

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Consoling Others is our Duty
What are you going to say? You're sitting down fumbling around for the right words to say to the grieving family members you are visiting. You can either make a spectacular mess out of the little time you are there by saying something insensitive or you can help them in their difficult time. Here are some ideas. Remember, it's always important to be sincere, people see through fakery and that helps no one.

Top Ten Things Not to Say On Condolence Visits:

10. How much did you spend for your house, your car, your xyz?
9. Do you really feel bad? Why don't you have tears in your eyes? Are you happy?
8. Why aren't more people visiting you for condolences?
7. How much money did they leave you? What are you going to do with it?
6. Be happy! Allah took him/her out of this horrible world, and it was surely for the best.
5. Do you remember when (s)he messed such-and-such up?
4. Did you cause it to happen?    
3. The same thing happened to me. Do you remember how patient I was?
2. Why didn't you call me and tell me first before you told so-and-so? Aren't I your best friend?
1. So I guess we won't be going on that shopping trip this weekend anymore.

Top Ten Things to Say On Condolence Visits:

10. How you feel is natural.
9. You are not alone.
8. You and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers.
7. Remember when (the deceased person's name) did (happy memory).
6. I remember how great (the deceased person's name) was. So many people were affected by him/her. (Obviously don't say this if you don't know it!)
5. From Allah we come, and to Him we return.
4. I want to help. I will babysit/bring food/take care of visitors/answer the phone/etc. (You better do it too if you're going to commit to it.)
3. I don't know what to say or do. I can't imagine how this feels for you.
2. Let's recite Sura Yasin/Sura Fatiha.
1. (Being serious and quiet, letting them do the talking or staying silent if that's what they wish.)

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